Paying taxes is for losers. And Socialists. All those “liberals” out there that are fully compliant with a “tax-and-spend” government policy where we have to fork over 20, 30 and even 40 percent of our “hard-earned-wages” should get on a red bus and move to Canada. Or France (red plane). Or China (red boat). What’s the difference between Socialist and Communist anyway?

Maybe you don’t listen to AM talk radio. In that case I will supply you with further arguments against paying taxes. Who wants to support dead beats? Who wants to support a system that starts with a “W” and uses up all of your taxes to allow poor people to avoid getting jobs? (What jobs you ask? I don’t know what jobs.) Nobody I can call sane would support that. (What? We spend more money on the military than on welfare? So what? Not if you count Social Security. And who needs THAT?)

What we need are more “voluntary” forms of government revenue collection. We need three or four lotteries. Then we can send “everyone” to school with a free ride and have enough left over to pay our teachers AND the exorbitant salaries of their administrators.

Next we can eliminate all of the social programs that are sucking your paychecks dry. Get rid of food stamps, Medicare, welfare, Social Security, farmer subsidies, Savings and Loan bailouts, airline bailouts and the Iraqi War. Now we’re getting somewhere.

(We might just want to keep corporate welfare since it is way too complicated to ever describe in a news article written at a 6th grade reading level. Anyway, if we stopped helping American corporations they would all go under and we would be crossing the border into Canada to do their yard work for them. Nobody wants that.)

If you are still reading this, you might be asking yourself what will happen to all of the people that depend on social programs. It isn’t like they are going to “do whatever it takes” to feed their families or anything. They wouldn’t possibly resort to crime in an effort to feed themselves, would they? No. They will be completely supported by our vast infrastructure of religious organizations. Those groups are, in fact, waiting eagerly for the end of all social welfare programs so that they will finally be able to spend their seemingly endless surpluses of cash on the poor. Didn’t you know that?

Next we have to eliminate all road construction. It isn’t free you know. Kill FDIC. Wipe out libraries, national and state forests, health care, the Environmental Protection Agency, OSHEA, and the Department of Justice. Police and firefighters? They are national heroes; public donations will surely be capable of replacing the tax dollars that currently sustain their budgets.

If you aren’t wealthy and cannot afford a personal accountant to find tax shelters for your immense income then you may want to look into my plan. You wouldn’t be educated by a tax-funded college, would have to buy an off-road vehicle to make it to work, put bars on your windows, inspect your own food for deadly parasites, buy gasmasks to breathe the air, and avoid at all costs any injury that might constrict your ability to work without sick days or vacations. Your paycheck will thank you though. And in the end, that’s all that really matters.