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Schmo Knows


I’m sure that everyone missed the beloved Schmoman during their Christmas break and were probably horrified when they did not hear from him so far this year. Well, I’m back and better than ever.

Some people enjoyed my column last semester. They sympathized with my having to cope with the greatness that is me. Thanks guys. No football predictions this semester though. Ok, you talked me into it. Into the trance like state I go and this is what the “Great One” sees:

The Raiders have been showing that without Gruden they are a dominate powerhouse.

Gannon looks strong and they are in their territory in California for the Super Bowl. Are you kidding? This team of washed-ups and has-beens is lucky that the Titans must have smoked crack before playing them.

I haven’t seen that many old fogies on one team since the Nursing Home Olympics. Come on, this one is a no brainer. Tampa Bay’s superior defense and a certain player known as Mike Alstott are going to blow away the Raider Nation back to that sorry San Fransico wannabe town of Oakland. If that’s not enough, Warren Sapp will personally beat their helpless Grandparents in the stands just for good measure.

Schmo says: Tampa Bay 42, Oakland 17.

Take the odds and the spread and go make yourself some money in the new year. To touch on a note closer to home, the Skyhawk basketball team has impressed many this season with their speed and presence on the court. I was going to take the opportunity to trash them if they began to play as badly as the football team, but they are just too fast.

The women’s team is also doing pretty well. They were down a little over the holidays, but look to snap back to action in time for the OVC portion of their season.

I only have one humble request of these teams, PLEASE beat the ?%$* out of Murray State. There is nothing that I would love to see more than MSU Head Coach Tevester Anderson with an even more confused look than normal on his face.

With that aside, I will now focus on the NBA. The Dallas Mavericks have had one of their best seasons in club history. Where did these bozos come from. What kind of world do we live in where the Mavericks are beating up on teams.

This was a team that for years has been one of the most second-rate squads in the NBA. What is next, the Clippers and Warriors start winning games?

We need to get back to the days when Jordan and Pippen played for the right teams and squads like Dallas got their butts kicked on a nightly basis.

Breaking to other news, never date a woman on the rifle team. I respect the sport, but the idea of some chic being able to take me out at a long distance with a rifle just plain frightens me. I’m sure many of you guys will agree, women with guns is a scary thought.

Remember, if you are dating a woman on the rifle team, be careful. If you should be caught doing anything that may upset her, you could become target practice. Women involved in the hammer throw or shot put frighten me as well.

Well, that’s all I have for this week. Any comments, criticisms, or complaints, please post them on the message board for the paper so all can read. If I hit this pick on the Super Bowl, I’ll be filthy rich, and outta here.