Dear Advice Girl,

I was in a relationship before coming to college. We had been together only a short time, but we were really happy. We had made the pact to break up before school so we wouldn’t be tied down (he went 2 hours away to another school).

Now I can’t think of anything but him. I have been walking around in a funk and my friends are refusing to talk to me until I break free. What can I do to get rid of this feeling?

All Funked Out

Dear All Funked Out, It’s hard having to adjust to something new on its own, such as your first year of college.

It’s even more difficult to begin it after breaking up with someone you care about.

First off, your friends. If they were really your friends, they’d help you out with your problem.

Abandoning you in your moment of need isn’t something that friends do.

Friends help through the good times and the bad – and you definitely qualify in the bad category. They should be the ones that are keeping you company and lessening your loneliness.

Maybe you should examine your friendships and see if they even have your interests at heart.

But if they have good reason to be like this, (e.g. you talk about him nonstop, you refuse to go out of your room without his picture on you, and you can’t reach your mouth with your fork cause you are too distressed), then maybe they have a legitimate concern.

As for your healing process – everyone heals in their own way and on their own time.

I was always told that the healing process is half the time the relationship lasted.

It does vary depending on strength of feelings and how much you will see the person. You will feel hurt and rejected for a bit.

You may cry yourself to sleep. You may go on rants in sociology class that speak of the evil boys that run around unsupervised and demand they be chained in a dungeon.

People deal with it in different ways. Just make sure that it doesn’t consume your life.

If you find you would rather sit in you room in your pajamas, playing “Goodbye to You” by Michelle Branch while gripping a teddy bear and crying your eyes out instead of heading off to bio lab, then maybe you should head over to the counseling center.

It’s ok to grieve for the break-up, but when it affects the academic aspect of your life, then you need to look into getting some help. Good luck.

Dear Advice Girl,

Myself, my girlfriend, and my suitemate were sitting around talking, and my suitemate was at the computer.

He brought up my browser history, and he and my girlfriend saw all of the porn sites I had visited.

My girlfriend told me I was nasty, and that I think more of porn than I think of her.

What should I do?

Right Hand Man

Dear Right Hand Man,

Tell your girlfriend that she should stop worrying about it. There must be some reason for her to feel this way.

Have you told her how much you cared about her lately? Maybe you have been neglecting her and she is using your porn to establish that there is a problem.

Explain that there is a difference between looking and doing.

You are obviously still with her, so she has nothing to worry about.

Women are very high strung creatures who need to be reassured constantly.

Make sure you tell her how much you care for her and how much you love her no matter what. If she doesn’t understand or refuses to acknowledge it, you may have to choose between the two.

Advice Girl is looking to help others. Advice Girl is not a psychologist...she’s not even one person. Use advice at your own risk.

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