For this issue, The Pacer staff has decided to pontificate, as a group rather than singly, upon a plethora of the day’s burning issues. Let us know what you think, preferably before next Thursday night. (And, by the way, if you don't know the meanings of some of the aforementioned words, then here’s a typical teacher response: Look ‘em up!)

Q. Why should you never question the class requirements on the first day? Tan-tra’: Because if you’re an upperclassman, you make underclassmen look way smarter than you. Candace: It’s a great way to get yourself on the teacher’s bad side. Lisa and Emily: Because it makes you look ignorant. Greg: You have to stay in class longer. Stephen: Do you like seven years of college? Brian: Because they can always change the syllabus. (Read the fine print, people)

Q. What REALLY goes on in The Pacer office on Thursday nights? Rachel: The same thing we do every night – try to take over the world. Tan-tra’: We talk about everyone and everything – you figure it out. Candace: Oh, is that when we're supposed to be here? Heather: We have a standing appointment at the Counseling Center. Lisa: The paper fairies come in and do all our work. Brian: We are not allowed to disclose such information at the present. Emily: Definitely not sleep. Stephen: All I know is I wake up Saturday morning wondering how I ended up in an alley in downtown Nashville. Ashley (who’s not on staff but who loves us): Outsiders wonder what drugs they're on.

Q. How do you really feel about SGA? Heather and Lisa: SGA stands for what? Candace: And wasn’t there something about missing applications? Tan-tra’: Are they on Page One this week – again? Stephen: Student Griping Association. Brian: It keeps me busy.

Q. Gee, what ARE the burning issues of the day? Candace: Parking and SAC movie nights (oops – covered that in detail last year). Tan-tra’: High @$$ textbook prices. Lisa: I don’t know. I live in The Pacer office. Rebecca: I don’t care about anything. Rachel: Parking permit prices. Greg: Visit my Web site. Brian: People who drive on the sidewalks. Emily: People who complain about non-Pacer coverage but won’t come to the meetings and write for it. Matt: (Not here. He worked at the football game, which, by the way, we won!!!!!!!)

Q. Seriously now, how do you feel about “restaurant reform (liquor-by-the-drink)?” Kristi: At least “Pacer nights” would be legal. Emily: Ask me when I’m sober. Rest of staff: Ditto.

Q. No, really seriously now, what do you believe is the best solution for Tennessee’s ongoing inability to do basic math? Lisa: Not hire Communications majors (we’re great at PR, though). Candace: Disband the Legislature and hand power to the students. Rebecca: Teach them to count above their fingers and toes. Jenny (who’s also not on staff but who loves us): Make them all join band, and they can at least learn to count to four. Brian: Without a college education, what do you expect? Stephen: Hire Arthur Andersen (ha ha).

Q. OK, being serious is not working and the grape soda is making people crazy. So let’s just cut loose and go for the outlandish. Does size really matter? Tan-tra’: It can’t hurt - or can it? Stephen: I vote for quality. Rebecca: Let’s put it this way - nice vehicles overcompensate for some things. Candace: I have this theory about hands … Kristi: Is that a trick question? Brian: You’d have to talk to my “talent” agent. Emily: I’m not going to touch that one with an 8 to 11 inch…stick. Outside source: Not applicable.

“Disclaimer” from Miss Tomi: These are not necessarily our true opinions, but they were funny at the time and our hope is that you got a few moments of amused pleasure, too. When you put 15 spirited people with strong personalities in one small room at the same time, and you prefer insanity to destruction, this is what happens. Enjoy, and contribute next week. See you then. Have a happy Labor Day weekend. (And no, I refuse to comment on the size issue.)