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Counselor's Corner

"Beauty"


You are beautiful. No, really, you are.

Young or old, male or female, fat or thin, black or white, conventionally pretty or handsome or not, there is beauty in each of us.

Have you ever seen a plain-looking person who started to sing with a beautiful voice, and in that moment became transformed in your eyes?

Have you ever met someone who struck you as being homely, only to discover that once you became friends, you no longer saw the homeliness?

Have you ever had a romantic attachment to someone whom you saw as pretty or handsome, even if none of your friends could see the attraction?

If you have a child or a niece or nephew, weren’t you convinced that the funny-looking little newborn was the most gorgeous creature on earth?

We live in a culture that emphasizes perfect bodies within a narrow, idealized zone. We see “reality” shows (with the exception of “Average Joe”) in which everyone looks like a model.

So many people spend their teenage years and young adulthood angry and disgusted with themselves because they don’t look like the people in magazines or on television.

Young women, in particular, tend to be dissatisfied with their bodies, even when to others they look perfectly fine. Young men who are shorter or heavier than average, or who suffer from acne or other problems, can be teased into despair.

Real beauty has little to do with what shows up in the mirror.
Here is what is attractive: self-confidence, interest in other people, a sense of purpose, a terrific smile, a sense of humor, an awareness of what is happening in the world, intelligence, even-temperedness, talent, caring and charm.

Here is what is not attractive: self-absorption, jealousy, pettiness, moodiness, whining, a sense of being “entitled,” poor grooming or self-care, clinginess, indifference, and arrogance.

The good news is that most of the items on these lists are traits that you can either develop or conquer.

Unless you are willing to undergo an “Extreme Makeover,” you are stuck with your nose, your height and your basic body type.

If you are willing to work on a “Gradual Makeover,” you can modify some elements of your appearance that bother you (weight, hair color, grooming, clothing) and nearly all of the behaviors that really determine your attractiveness.

I have met perfectly good-looking folks who, because they were focused on their physical imperfections, were not very attractive. I have also met people who by conventional standards are not good looking but (because they radiate warmth and good humor and don’t dwell on their physical selves) are consistently attractive to others.

Please bear in mind that unless you are Tina Turner or Paul Newman, you are not going to maintain your physical beauty throughout your life.

You will get older, your skin will wrinkle, your hair may recede, and you may even lose all your teeth (keep flossing!).

If you have focused on the true sources of attractiveness in your life, however, you will still be beautiful, at least to those who love you.

So smile at the face in the mirror, whatever it looks like, and enjoy its beauty. And tell someone else today that he or she is beautiful to you.

For more information on matters of physical appearance, visit the professionsal at the Counseling Center, located at 213 University Center.