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Counselor's Corner

This week’s topic: “Hate It But Do It”


Psychologist Mary Pipher, author of “Reviving Ophelia,” a book about the development of young women, talks about the need to have a “hate it but do it” center in our brains that helps us to suffer in the short term in order to meet long-term goals.

To be a successful student, you have to work on your “hate it but do it center.” There will be days you don’t want to get out of bed to study or go to class but if you want to graduate, do it anyway.

If you were lucky, you had parents who made you take out the trash, do your homework, or walk the dog, among other things. Kids whose parents don’t give them chores and don’t set up reasonable expectations are not the fortunate ones, as we believed when growing up. They are the young adults who struggle with self-discipline and have a hard time turning off the TV to study or walking across campus to the library when it is raining.

This may be a generalization, but it seems that the “hate it but do it” ethic is embraced more by our international students. Their cultural values tend to encourage self-sacrifice and dedication to the task at hand. In my experience, they devote more hours to study than the average American student. They accept this as the way things need to be, rather than feeling distressed about hard work. Simply accepting the need to work hard can be a radical turning point in your life.

It helps to have a clear vision of your goals and some realistic steps toward achieving them. If you are on academic probation, getting all A’s this semester may not be realistic, but promising yourself to study an extra hour each day and complete all your class assignments is an attainable goal.

Take some time to think about these questions: What do I really want in my life? What will make me feel good about myself at the end of this semester? What are my priorities for this year? What do I need to do to accomplish my goals? Then (even if you hate it) just start doing it.