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9-11 tragedy seen and shared


I'm going to attempt to share an experience with my peers that I hope everyone will appreciate. This experience not only forces me to relive a day that I have refused to accept, but it helps me to realize how much my life has been affected by it.

The experience that I am referring to is the events of Sept. 11. I was in Manhattan that day, but my story doesn't begin on 9-11, it begins on Sunday, Sept. 9, at around 10 p.m.

It was a lovely Sunday night. I was walking on the boardwalk of the Brooklyn Bridge heading toward Manhattan with one of my friends. The view of Manhattan and especially the towers was spectacular from this bridge. My friend and I stopped at the center of the boardwalk to enjoy a moment of peace from the stressful city environment.

I was staring at the towers and asked her if airplanes were permitted to fly over Manhattan. She replied with a no. I told her that it would be disastrous if planes were allowed to fly over the city because of the height of New York skyscrapers. After that conversation, we made plans to come back that following weekend so I could take pictures of the landscape.

On Monday, Sept. 10, I was back to my regular routine. At that time in my life, I was working for WNYW Fox, Channel 5. I went to work and couldn't wait to leave because I had evening plans with a co-worker to eat out in a restaurant on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. Around 7 p.m., we drove past the towers, oblivious to the horror that was to come the next morning. This was the last time I saw the towers standing.

On the morning of Sept. 11, I was exhausted because I stayed out late the night before. At around 8 a.m., I was on the 4 train heading into Manhattan on my way to work. At 8:50 a.m., I entered Fox and saw on the lobby television screen that a plane had hit the north tower.

By the time I entered the elevator and rode it to the fourth floor, the second plane hit. A feeling of pure shock entered my body and then I went numb. I had no clue what to think or how to feel.

Of course, I had compassion for those in the towers, but everything seemed surreal.

Stress overwhelmed mostly everyone around me. Lower Manhattan was being evacuated. All bridges and tunnels connecting to the city were closed. No one could get in the city unless he or she had a press pass or was a member of the authorities. A majority of the people in the newsroom had been there overnight. During the time the planes hit, most everyone who was to report for shift changes was either stuck in New Jersey, on the Long Island Railroad or the Connecticut Metro North Line.

The crew was exhausted and what made it worse, communication was down. We couldn't make any outgoing calls and cell phones were jammed.

The broadcast antenna connected to the north tower shut down after it was hit. CBS, CNN, Foxand the WB stations lost their signal. Those who had cable were the only ones able to view these stations. By 9:30, there were major rescue efforts being made by firefighters, the police and civilians. Many people were running into the towers to try to rescue those trapped on the high- level floors. Each tower had about 110 floors. Then news came in that the Pentagon was hit. Emotions became unbearable for many of my co-workers. Fear entered my body, but I didn't handle my emotions through tears. I chose laughter. My manager and co-worker, now good friend,

Jennifer and I began talking about the things we did the night before. I think we were the only ones laughing, but we had to laugh in order to maintain our sanity.

Then the unexpected happened. The impossible was made possible. The south tower collapsed. I don't have the words to describe the emotion that consumed me. It never entered my mind that the towers would collapse. I don't think it entered anyone's mind. That's why so many firefighters and police entered the towers. The very idea of such mass destruction was inconceivable. I honestly believed that New York would have to rebuild the towers from the 60th floor and up.

In between this madness, there were reports of a fourth plane that crashed in Pennsylvania. It wasn't even 10:30 yet and my world was turned upside down. I felt safe where I was, but everything was happening fast. People just wanted it to stop. I didn't know what to expect next; maybe suicide bombings.

My only thoughts were the terrorists are already in this country. There was obviously nothing we could do about it.

America's so called national security sucks. Then the north tower crumbled. I can't even say I was shocked. I just knew that thousands of people died. I remember saying a silent prayer. Then I tuned everyone around me out. People were unstable and hysterical. I'm not good at consoling people, so I just listened to people who approached me for comfort. I really didn't know what to say.

At around noon, the station was running out of coffee. I decided to use this opportunity to take a break and walk to the store.

The reality of what happened didn't hit me until I walked outside. Try to understand that it was a beautiful day in the city.

The sky was light blue, clear and cool, but there was an eerie silence. The normal city sounds didn't exist. There were no cars honking, no buses driving by, no trains underground causing the earth underneath your feet to tremble, no people talking, no loud music playing, no construction drilling, and no traffic. Please understand that there were hundreds of thousands of people walking through Manhattan, heading uptown. Like I said before, the city was being evacuated. It's just that no one was talking. The masses were all walking in unison, but there was this silence that I can't forget. It was like “Night of the Living Dead.” The looks of disbelief on all the faces stunned me.

When I reached the grocery store, there was hardly anything left. The store had been cleaned out. The shelves were empty, but they did have coffee. When I left the store, I tried to call my mother a couple of times. Lines were jammed, but eventually my call went through. My mother was terrified and concerned for my safety. I was the only one of her six children to be in the city. I didn't know when I would return home, but I assured her that I was fine.

By the time I entered the station, the camera crew had returned. They were covered in white dust from head to toe. At 2 p.m., I was asked to make copies of the raw footage the cameramen had shot. Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. Out of respect for those who made desperate decisions with their lives, I will not describe the images on that tape.

Later on in the evening, phones were beginning to operate a little better. I called my father, and for the first time in my life, I heard fear and relief in his voice. I told him I was OK, then I began to break down. I cried for a few minutes. I got off the phone and contacted my sister in St. Louis, who was scared for me too. Not long after I made all my phone calls, the buildings around ground zero began to collapse. By this time, no one was in these buildings, but it felt like Manhattan was on the verge of collapse.

The smell of the towers made its way to my location and in the days to come the smell had reached all the boroughs. The stench was horrible. It was the mixture of melting metal, fire, and a thick cloud of dust that I can't describe. Nightfall began to enter the city and things calmed down as much as they could. The station made arrangements for everyone to sleep in the building. Earlier, Jennifer had gone out to purchase aero-mattresses and toothpaste, basically all the essentials we needed.

The next time I left the building was at night. Jennifer and I wanted a hot plate of food and the only place near us that was open was Dallas BBQ's. When we walked outside, it felt like a war zone. There were military trucks everywhere, along with huge tractor-trailers or 18-wheelers filled with trade center debris. As these trucks drove through the city, they left a trail of dust that carried the smell of the disaster behind them. We didn't want to walk on the dust because the thought of cremation made us sick. There were other people walking around with masks covering their faces. Also there were military aircraft circling the city. It seemed like a movie. Never before has New York felt like a strange place.

I didn't go to sleep until around one or two in the morning. The day was long and unexpected. I went to sleep watching MTV and woke up hoping it was a dream. That morning, Jennifer and I decided to go home to change clothes, shower and then come back to work. The trains were running again, and I noticed everyone who was on my car. There was this one guy who was constantly fidgeting with his book bag and side pants pocket. That made me nervous. This guy had sunglasses on and a baseball cap covering his face and eyes. I hate that I profiled someone, but he attracted a lot of attention to himself.

Eventually, he stopped moving around so much and reached for his Chap Stick. I hated that uneasy feeling. All I know for sure was I didn't trust anyone around me and couldn't wait to get home.

The end of December was the first time I drove past ground zero. It was still burning and the skeleton of the towers remained standing. For the first time I was face to face with the destruction. Sorrow and compassion is the only way to describe it. About four weeks ago, I passed the site for the second time. It was completely clean and leveled. It looked like an empty lot. The city isn't the same without the towers standing tall. The view from the Brooklyn Bridge is still immaculate, but there will always be something missing. It’s just not the same anymore. The towers are greatly missed.

What I learned from chaos is that Americans live in a bubble.

On 9/11, the bubble was popped. People need to wake up. If there are organized groups of terrorists willing to die for a cause, we all need to be concerned. It shouldn't take tragedy on our homeland for everyone to feel like something has to be done. Keep in mind that terrorists are someone else's freedom fighters. I don't condone their action nor understand them, but I do know that 9/11 should never have happened. Those were four of our planes that crashed. National security isn't working.